I’ve been busy this week – trying to recover from our trip to India. It has been a trying time waiting for my body to flip from the 10.5 hours time change. Gratefully, God created our bodies so uniquely that we are able to do that with a little patience.
I have written two stories about my mom’s journey since September 4, 2013. As is common with being a part of a family unit, her story involved all of us. I have been praying about what I have written. It is my prayer that someone might be encouraged by it. I pray to God to let it reach the eyes and hearts of those who need a hug of encouragement – a glimmer of hope in the very hard times life brings our way.
Six times this year, my phone has rung and someone very close to me has died. Six times I would have given anything not to have heard those words. Many times, I take a deep breath when my phone rings. I realized recently I was holding my breath until I was able to find out all was well.
How are we created to survive very deep pain and loss? How is it possible to recover from the holes in our hearts?
I stumbled along during my mom’s days in the hospital. I clung to God’s promises yet I felt frustration and anger growing as day after day we stayed with her and watched her suffer unimaginably.
Two months have passed. God has shown me innumerable times how He was there with her and with us. He is slowly – through my prayers to Him and time spent in His word – revealing to me how He continues to comfort me in my frustrations.
Knowing He is near and never, never leaves me is the comfort that allows healing to begin. Love over comes hate when we focus on Him. Forgiveness moves us further away from the darkness. Trust begins to allow me to turn over the circumstances of that fateful day and these days that continue in the aftermath of our personal tragedy. God’s words fit deeply into the wounds within me. He alone can identify and remove these wounds. I can’t do that on my own and be ok.
Listen to this scripture I found this morning in my reading.
Psalm 112:7 They will have no fear of bad news; their hearts are steadfast, trusting in The Lord.
Each of the six times I answered the phone this year presented a challenge to me. Over and over again I was challenged in a different way, a different set of circumstances, yet a way that threatened to knock me off center. When I say that, it brings a visual to me of the silly rock em, knock em, sock em clowns we had as kids. (What were they called?) No matter how hard we hit, they always came back to center standing once again in front of us.
I am built centered on a rock (as God’s child) where I choose to stand firmly. I am learning to breath normal again, not spending my days wasted on worrying about what might happen. Fear is a powerful tool of satan. If he can keep us afraid of what could possibly happen next, we have lost our focus on everything God teaches us about Him in the bible.
Pull out your bible and begin a search for the scriptures on fear, forgiveness, on trust, the rock God built our body of believers on and dig deep to form your personal relationship with Him that will sustain you in your times of darkness. Arm yourself with God’s word and recognize the battle you find yourself in. Make your own list and have it ready. Be prepared.
God continues to show me holes in me that need healing. Holes that can become rancid and ugly – not reflecting who He is in me. Bitterness and anger are not of God. Peace, trust, hope, love and knowing He is my Father God who loves me like no other is what makes me whole.
I will post my two writings about mom in the next week. I felt a need to preface them with this writing.
Joyfully – in Him – because of His love – Janet
