No response is a response.
That has stuck with me all day.
Once we become aware of the existence of God – we have choices to make.
Curiosity might lead us to study the bible.
Wanting to make a change in our life can create a desire to do life differently. Where do we put our trust? our faith? Who do we depend on to comfort us? What do we turn to for comfort?
The world is waiting – with all kinds of options – leading us down all kinds of dark paths.
Distractions.
If we can fill our mind with other things such as food, shopping, alcohol, drugs or sex, bad relationships full of narcissistic and codependent people – then we don’t have to think about “that”. The abuse from our past that won’t let go. The helpless and hopeless feelings that are so heavy. The rejection and failures top off the pile.
But – we get to choose and God waits. He didn’t create us as robots, programming us to love Him because He made us. He created us as free willed humans who can choose Him or choose the world.
It’s a weird scenario to imagine trying to force someone to love you isn’t it?
God doesn’t.
I remember loving God as a child. But then as I got to my mid teens – I wasn’t as sure anymore. My inability to perform like I thought I was supposed to caused me to draw back. I was relying on my human Janet. It took quite a few years – maybe decades – to lay down the facade I was hiding behind and just let God take over.
I finally responded to what I knew was Him pursuing me because I was learning in baby steps to trust – but then the world would come charging over me through busyness and trying to keep up with who it was telling me I needed to be and I believed the lies and accepted the failure.
I’ve always wanted to be close to God – I would sit in church or bible study in wonder at the new christians who were so on fire and I never imagined that would be me.
I was jealous of their passion.
Then life, in her ugly way, came at me fiercely with the loss of both parents, many losses and mountains of broken trust as my marriage failed and I looked around and there I stood – alone. The friends and family were invaluable but when they all went home – me – alone.
The chaos had been silenced. The desire to participate in the world fizzled. The reality is – I became still.
And it was there in the stillness I realized I was not alone. The whispers of history when I sat in church gathered around me reminding me God was near. He was waiting to respond to my broken heart and soul.
Finally all the noise had been silenced.
And I responded to God.
All those years I heard the invitation to come to Him and I did partially – but I didn’t really – not with every part and piece of me.
My weak response was really no response. I didn’t let God into the places I needed Him the most.
And today – I am on fire. My love for God doesn’t stop. It comes out of me when I don’t even realize it is happening.
For the rest of my life, I pray God will use me to show the world how amazing it is to be loved by Him and to finally be able to trust again.
When I finally got out of my own way in those dark and quiet times and responded to God – that is the defining line in the sand – that is where I began a new journey.
Psalm 91:15 says this perfectly.
“He will call upon Me, and I will answer him; I will be with him in trouble; I will rescue him and honor him.”
Rejoicing,
Janet