Psalm 121:1-2
1 I lift up my eyes to the hills.
From where does my help come?
2 My help comes from the Lord,
who made heaven and earth.
I don’t have to look back very far to remember a time when I asked where does my help come from.
In fact, as life continues to pour over me like a waterfall, it happens regularly.
I have learned where to find God.
Let’s talk about choices.
Right and wrong.
Black and white or grey.
Religion or faith.
We make decisions everyday as we choose what we will allow or give permission to define our actions and our speech. How will our choices affect our journey? Every conversation we have, every door we walk through, we choose. We decide what measuring stick we will pull out to determine who we are in that place and time.
Is it any wonder we feel so exhausted at the end of the day?
In the midst of great turmoil of divorce and landing in a place where I no longer knew who I was, all I could do was depend on what truths I did know. I’ve come to believe the greatest lies we tell are the ones we tell ourselves.
Enter the evil one named Denial.
If we say every morning “I’m good. I’ve got this. I can do this”, and we forget to take God with us, we can easily become a chameleon constantly changing who we are based on the circumstances and people around us. Relying on ourselves alone for the strength to go on is . . .
so exhausting.
Enter Lies.
I was mom one minute – grieving how I had failed to protect my adult children and grandchildren, our family from divorce. It was all my fault you know. Another – the discarded woman. No one will ever want me. Maybe the next time you saw me, the depression clouded my eyes and I didn’t even see you.
Grief became my measuring stick. Everything was measured by the grief I carried.
It was ugly.
Turmoil.
Like an old beer bottle carelessly tossed overboard, tossed about by every wave in its journey to find land – a place of rest – a place where the world quit moving – out of my control. . .
If you have ever hit a brick wall and feel your life is mundane or if you feel compelled to fit in everywhere you go – if you struggle to feel significant or in control of your life – it is time to find the door in that brick wall that will allow you to enter into a place searching for stability leading you to the source of peace that unnamed piece of you deep inside has been longing for.
Seeking truth.
Now it is possible you are not searching for that place or have already found it, but if the need to find it is becoming stronger – its voice more demanding – let’s talk about that.
First, I needed to figure out which voice in my head presented truth. For me – this was God.
The one I had grown up with – and I knew I could trust but I had kept at arms length for a long time.
Next up – making a deliberate choice to move past the lies that had become so loud – so demanding of my attention and time.
It was a precarious journey through a maze of life intent on keeping me a prisoner inside and out. Much like the movie Maze Runner.
Yet as I turned to God, as I cried to Him – He consistently showed up.
Enter another unwelcome guest – Alone.
This one is tasked with the job of separating us from any part of life that would require us to engage – trust – believe.
But it was there I found answers. I didn’t need crowds around me. I didn’t need noise. I didn’t need to feed my addictions of food and shopping. Maybe yours have different names but almost all of us have something we can name if we are honest – with ourselves.
Truth was – when I dug down to the heart of me – I found what I was looking for – a lone source of comfort, strength, love, forgiveness, peace and hope at which time I was assured; I would never be alone again.
“Just” God. The one and only.
“Lord, give us the courage to confront every thing that would keep you at arms length in our lives. Protect us from the lies of the world that want to keep us separated from You. Help us Lord as we choose You. It doesn’t mean life will get easier, but it will get better because of Your presence in it. We thank You for the depth of Your love. We praise You, Lord. Amen.”