We have talked a lot about grieving. There is a part I still deal with that shows up at the most inconvenient times. It isn’t a pretty word.
ANGER
I don’t even like to talk about it. It makes me mad.
Anger makes me mad which makes me angrier which makes me mad, because when I give energy to the whole discussion in my head and heart, it sucks the life out of me.
And then I have to remind myself to breathe.
When I just want to scream and cry at the unfairness of life.
How unfair it is that we all grew up with fairy tales – the happily ever after part. Barbie and Ken dolls setting the unfair standard of perceived reality we all somehow thought was the only way or how we failed when it didn’t happen – settled in.
Yes, it’s true.
But I am angry.
Shortly after my dad died, I remember a conversation with my mom. I asked her about her anger.
Through her tears, she told me of it.
She and dad had raised five kids. Then later in life as my brother and sister as partners ran the vegetable farm and market, their six kids stayed at mom’s everyday. She loved that so much. A gazillion memories flow through those stories.
So as the kids were growing up and going off to school, mom’s role in their lives changed, dad retired and now it was their time. In the retirement they had planned for all their lives. Travel. Free time. Friends.
Then, dad detoured into the ugly journey of Alzheimers.
And took their dreams with him.
Yes, mom was angry.
Losing our dreams – the reality we work so hard at to design so carefully – the perception – often misguided as we fall into our everyday lives -and watching helpless as they vaporize.
I never in a million years thought I would be circling “D” on my marital status. Ever.
And with all that entailed, an abundance of my dreams of the future I thought I had spent my life building – was gone.
Yes, I have spent sufficient time being angry.
Yet, there is a piece I have discovered. The root of my anger lies attached to fear.
Mom was angry but didn’t know what her future looked like. My anger grew with the same roots in fear.
Grieving.
Anger.
Fear.
I haven’t read any of this in fairy tales recently.
Grieving always involves loss. But the face of loss can present itself differently to each of us. Death certainly heads the list. But then there is a loss of dreams – when someone leaves – illness – addictions rob us all of dreams – betrayal – and the list goes on.
The ripples continue forever – often never reaching the shore that would give them rest.
Anger can breathe new life into the ripples.
Fear keeps us prisoners and brings its friends – anxiety, worry and often depression tags along.
And that’s of no good to any of us.
So . . . a huge part of my personal story has been the journey to discover my way out of the prison that seemed so inevitable.
Beginning with God – with study of what He says about His presence in the very place I found myself in – where you might be standing today – He began unraveling the roots of my prison.
It’s hard to believe when you can’t see past the walls of the prison you are in that anyone would want to come close enough to you to lift you out of it. But that is exactly what God does.
He comes into the very depth of our prison. And He loves. You. Me. Right where we are.
And patiently waits.
It is up to us. That’s how much He loves us. We decide. When we have not had that option as our “not fairy tale” story unfolded. To let Him into our mess or to keep Him out.
In time, I decided to let Him in. It changed everything. Every. Thing.
This is a list of some of my favorite comfort scriptures. Read these then dig into the bible and find your own. There are endless treasures to uncover as you begin your personal search.
Psalm 94:19
When the cares of my heart are many,
your consolations cheer my soul.
Proverbs 12:25
Anxiety in a man’s heart weighs him down,
but a good word makes him glad.
Matthew 6:25-29
“Therefore I tell you, do not be anxious about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink, nor about your body, what you will put on. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothing? 26 Look at the birds of the air: they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they? 27 And which of you by being anxious can add a single hour to his span of life? 28 And why are you anxious about clothing? Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow: they neither toil nor spin,
Philippians 4:5-7
The Lord is at hand; 6 do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. 7 And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.
1 Peter 5:6-8
Humble yourselves, therefore, under the mighty hand of God so that at the proper time he may exalt you, 7 casting all your anxieties on him, because he cares for you.
“Lord, hear our cries of anger, fear and anxiety. Hear us from the depths of depression holding us prisoner in our grieving. Heal us Lord. Comfort us Lord. It’s hard for us to believe we are worthy of loving and when You come into our lives and do just that – it changes us. We praise You in our storms, Lord. We are becoming the Light to reach out to others. Thank You for showing us hope. We love You. Amen.”