Patience it has been said, is a virtue. Is it as hard for you as it is for me when I think I should be moving through the stages of grief quicker than I am? Or even worse – when people begin to tell you to “get over” it?
A well meaning friend {I think}, said to me one day, “I mean, look at you. You walk around with your shoulders slumped, you don’t smile like you used to – who wants to be around you.” He was trying to define the boundaries of my grief, determine how long I wore my mourning clothes and how I was supposed to smile.
I didn’t want to be the wet blanket everywhere I went – I really didn’t.
But his comment did stir something in me. I had been waiting for the feeling to go away. I was aware of it. However, I wasn’t doing anything proactive to to care for myself – to promote the healing that desperately needed to happen.
I was just waiting – not even sure what I was waiting for. Surviving, yes. Thriving, no.
Then, one day, I read this scripture. It had always lifted me up as I envisioned the feeling of flying like an eagle, running and not getting tired and walking and not fainting. I was waiting for that to happen.
But one day I stopped on the small four letter word . . . they – who – wait – on – the – Lord.
I had just been waiting. Stuck in the perpetual waiting room of doing nothing much. Just existing. But certainly not expecting God to show up.
Maybe you can identify.
Waiting on the Lord is a very different act. It shifts our focus to what’s going on inside – what is keeping us off balance, unsettled, unhappy and sad. Yes, the sadness weighs a thousand pounds.
But, slowly as I was thinking about waiting on the Lord, I began to see Him in my everyday life. A favorite song would come on the radio. A friend would call to check on me, letting me know she had been thinking of me.
The sunset or the rainbow appearing always draws my heart back to my Creator. Flowers and babies. Oh yes, my grandchildren. So many ways my thoughts would be drawn back to the presence of God.
Then my prayers changed. Focusing on Him – on the visible presence I saw externally, instead of focusing on the internal mess jumbled up inside myself, the sadness didn’t weigh quite so much.
Change happened when I moved out of that waiting room of doing nothing into the waiting room of waiting on the Lord. Moving my focus to God, creating a space as the sadness lessened its grip on me, allowing Him to move in, was the best decision I ever made.
It gave me space to focus on healing. Counseling. deliberately spending time with friends who gave me the space I needed to deal with my grief and room to move things around inside me as I waited on the Lord. I had the courage I needed to discard the negative thoughts. The lies I had turned into truth as I believed I was a failure and had nothing to offer anyone.
As space opened up inside me, the greatest thing happened. Light began to shine in places in me that hadn’t seen daylight in years. God was moving in.
I spent more time studying God – I knew He was the same God I had always known, but the relationship looked much different than those days gone by. The beautiful truth I can share with you is that God never changes – He is always there. Always trustworthy. That’s a big one for me. What does change . . . is me. And that is a very good thing.
A few months ago, I was visiting my friend again. When her husband came in that afternoon, we greeted each other and hugged. This is almost three years after he first made that comment to me. Then he stopped and looked at me and said “Janet. You look amazing. Happy. Good. Well. I mean – look at you!”
Yes. I am. Waiting on the Lord did that for me.
Those who wait on the Lord, their strength will be renewed. Oh what a wonderful thought. What a beautiful thing to experience.
Wait on the Lord, my friends.
“Lord, Father. We praise You. We love You. Thank You for how You love us. Heal us. As we choose to wait on You, come deep into the places inside us where no one has been – ever. Give us the courage to move all the old out and move You in. Take up permanent residence in us Lord. Heal us. Give us peace as we wait on You. Let the world notice the new us – let us be witness to the beautiful peace You bring when You move in. We are Your witnesses Lord. We wait. Amen.”