Silence – the place my heart has been the past few months or so. It’s been that long since I posted my
last essay. Expressing guilt about that to one of my mentors recently, she explained to me that there are
seasons in a writer’s life. This particular season is named “gathering”. In this place, my heart and soul
are processing the life going on around me, the life happening in me and figuring out how to make sense of
it all. Maybe some day, I will be able to write about these days. They have been full, sometimes floating
along and other times, caught in the rapids being shoved into places I didn’t want to go and dealing with
situations I didn’t want to face.
I sat at my computer last Sunday morning working on finishing this post. My fingers flew over the
keys as the thoughts were set free and the story was becoming real. Excited as I typed my final thoughts
and felt confident I had done a good job sharing myself with you, I hit the preview button. I was asked if
I was sure I wanted to do this and I thought that was odd, but I knew I wanted to preview the post so I
pushed yes. Blink – it was gone – not just hiding somewhere – I could not find it. I got up from the
computer, went and took my shower, prepared for church and didn’t sit back down at the computer for five
days. I was so upset. I sent the info to my trusted advisor on such matters and was assured – IT WAS GONE!
Apparently, my computer wasn’t connected to the internet the whole time I was writing and as a result – no
autosaving was going on.
There is no way for me to begin to remember what I had written well enough to recreate that post. I’m
just saying – I will always write off line from this day forward.
Thank you for your patience this past weeks that turned oh so strangely into months as this world has buried
me with the enormity of living life in this world. I miss writing – something intriguing happens when I
sit and write – I miss exploring my life and making what possible sense of it I can.
I’m sure there is a lot to be said about being offline. Staying connected is critical in our lives or
everything is lost – gone. I am grateful for the connection I have to my children, grandchildren and my
friends. Gratitude for the connection to my community where I live, work and serve is real. But most
important of all is my 24/7 online connection without cables, electricity or technical advisors – always
available – is my permanent connection to my Lord and Savior, Jesus. Thank goodness! It is always free
from operator error and that crazy electrical energy around me that always leaves the poor guy at ATT or
Best Buy scratching his head as he tells me “well, I have never seen that before”! (True story – multiple
times that has happened)
My connection to God is real and I don’t ever have to worry about pushing the save button. It’s
already been done, completed and permanently placed me in God’s hands for eternity.
“Lord, please let this message touch the hearts of those who are hurting as I have been these past weeks. Please Lord, let them see the way You are there for us, waiting for us to turn our hands up and open to You to allow You to fill us with Your hope and the knowledge of Your love for us. I love you so much God! I want others in the dark places we find ourselves to begin to seek the light that can lead them and us to You. Give me the courage Lord to walk beside them in their journey and to be the light that would show them the work You do in us, for us each day and in that reflection they would see You clearly. I love you Father! Amen